Copyright (c) 2012 Paul Ruffilio
If you have taken note of recently married couples, you would find that they always give each other lot's of attention. You would usually see a lot of hugging, touching, holding, smiling and incessant display of attention. With time, we find that lot's of marriages drop this display of affection. Lot's of older couples would simply become really easy with themselves without displaying all that affection. It's not likely you would find them still relating like fresh couples.
It's generally really shocking when you find a couple that just a few years back were all loving and touchy, now barely stomaching the sight of each other. What was different about the union? If not the relationship, did the individuals change?
It's very common to hear couples who come for marriage counseling saying how that the other person is not the same as when they got married. Is there anyway this can be the case?
From my discoveries, I can say that people actually do not change. What I think happened is that people do not actually get to know themselves. People generally get emotional and carried away. Marriage has a way of forcing you to see all there is to see about an individual. You may then start wondering if you made a mistake. You might have made a mistake and you also may not have.
Looking for the perfect person is a classic mistake that folks make. It is not possible for one individual to possess all you require in a partner. When you expect perfection, all you would get is disappointments. If you understand that you are not perfect, you would not expect any other person to be perfect.
What's your response to indications of imperfection in your spouse? This is one really critical question. Many people just opt to go find the elusive perfection. It is from this that affairs come up. You would eventually find out that the new person lacks something your spouse possess.
You would be better positioned to have a successful marriage if you're aware of your imperfection. You cannot possibly expect your partner to be perfect when you are not perfect. You can make up for your spouse's imperfection and have them do same. This is a choice you must make. You can't solve the issue by having an affair. One thing affairs can do is show your imperfection clearly.
You can really decide to shield your partner's imperfection. This is a decision that would see your marriage succeed. If you think you can no longer handle the challenge, then go for marriage counseling.
More experienced couples always talk about how the things that used to disturb them so much about their spouse ceased to bother them. There are people who got divorced many years back who now look back and see their reason for the divorce as trivial.
Your marriage would only work when you are committed to making it work.
There are many things marriage counseling can help you with. See http://www.marriagesherpa.com/ One of these is extra marital affairs in your marriage. See http://www.marriagesherpa.com/surviving-infidelity-how-to-survive-an-affair