Things Parents Should Never Say to Athletes

In my many years of teaching baseball and softball, coaching and parenting, I have seen parents placing enormous pressure on kids without even realizing that is what they are doing. This pressure leads to tension between parents and their sports playing kids that takes all the fun out of playing youth sports. These parents believe they are helping their kids but often kids develop anxiety because of this parental pressure.

Of course, it is important to realize that small amounts of tension between parents and kids are unavoidable because of the various emotions that playing youth sports creates for all. Occasional tension, frustration and failure to meet expectations is normal and does not threaten long-term relationships. However, more often than not, parents go beyond the point of normal and unfortunately, put a strain on their relationship with their kids without realizing it.

Following are things parents should observe that will help them to know if they are putting excessive pressure on their kids.

1. Kids get upset when parents discuss their play.

2. Kids never want to practice with parent.

3. Kids are constantly looking to parent when they do something good or bad on the field.

4. Kids seem to perform better when parent is not at game.

Additionally, some parental statements seem pretty innocuous on the surface but eventually they create tension and resentment. At the very least, statements like these take the fun out playing. (Listed from bad to worse)

1. Why did you do that?

2. What were you thinking out there?

3. Why didn't you do what I told you to do?

4. When I was your age, I could already do

5. You have to practice more

6. Look at me when I talk to you

7. I thought you wanted to play

8. That was embarrassing

9. You will never get anywhere doing that

10. Do what I tell you and not what your coach tells you to do

11. I am not paying for you to play if that is how you are going to play

12. Forget it; I am not coming to your games anymore

Once again, some of these may seem like legitimate questions but the emotional way they are said or asked, automatically create tension in kids. The good news is that positive parents, who avoid using these statements, will eliminate unnecessary tension with their kids.