How To Get What You Want By Believing It

Getting what you want in life. There is no doubt that some people are far more effective at getting what they want than others.

As a coach, I meet people who don't know what they want - for them the question 'What do you want?' is the toughest question of all - and people do know what they don't want! I'd have to say that I don't meet that many people who are absolutely sure what they want and are highly motivated to get it.

What then are the key differences between these people, and what can we learn from those who do get what they want?

For the purposes of this article, I am going to concentrate on one of three key areas that have enormous influence over our capacity to achieve:

Beliefs

What are beliefs?

Beliefs are thoughts that form our reality. They are thoughts which we consider to be true. Beliefs are filters. Every experience we have is filtered through our beliefs and, as filters, they influence our thoughts, our physiology, our state and our behavior.

Our beliefs have a major impact on our life because we are constantly, but unconsciously, looking for evidence that they are true for us. Every piece of evidence we find that reinforces this belief is proof that we are right to believe it. It reinforces our sense of self. Hence the reason that we find so much resistance when circumstances conspire to challenge one of our core beliefs.

A belief about something, someone, or yourself causes you to think certain thoughts which in turn affect your feelings (state) which cause you to behave in a certain way. This behavior will affect the outcome in the situation and the behavior of others around you, and you will have your belief confirmed.

For example:

I have worked with a lot of people who believe that they are no good at public speaking or making business presentations.

Imagine what happens when they are asked to make a presentation:

Belief: 'I am no good at presenting.'

Thoughts: 'Oh no. I wish someone else could do this for me. I hate it. It's going to be awful.'

State: Nervous, anxious and butterflies in stomach.

Behavior: If you are nervous while presenting, you are likely to avoid eye contact, speak quickly and haltingly, breathe rapidly, and display a lack of engagement with your audience and lack of confidence in your message.

Consequences: The audience will be disengaged and there will be a perception of you as lacking in confidence and lacking conviction in your message. The feedback is likely to be less than positive and your belief that you are no good at presenting will be reinforced.

Result: The consequences of your behavior are in line with your beliefs, proving to you that you were right to have that belief in the first place.

Take a few minutes to complete the following exercise. I've suggested that you consider beliefs in your job role, but you can pick beliefs in relation to any part of your life that you want.

Exercise

What are your beliefs about yourself in your job role?

What are your beliefs about your product and the industry in which you work?

What are your beliefs about your clients?

What evidence do you have to back your beliefs up?

Are your beliefs useful and empowering or do they limit you in some way?

By answering a few questions honestly and thoroughly, you can find the answers and get what it is you really want.