Marriage conflict is unavoidable when two people decide to create a life together but there are ways to replace conflict with harmony and work as a partnership, if you are willing to focus on solutions.
1.Admit when you are wrong and apologise. Most of us refuse to believe we have done anything wrong when the finger gets pointed at us. Instead, we tell the other person that they are the ones with the problem thus infuriating and alienating them further in the process.
Learn to take responsibility and apologise when you have done something that has upset your partner even if you cannot understand why, as this assures them that you care about their feelings. Later on you can get to the bottom of things in order to find a way forward so that this does not occur again.
2.Find solutions where both people get what they want.
Compromise often has negative connotations to it and for many people can mean loss or giving up what they want to accommodate the other. Be willing to think outside the box and find new ways forward to accommodate each partner's wishes.
None of you should have to give up what is important to you to accommodate the other. Self-sacrifice is a sure way for resentments and rifts to grow and marriage conflict to rear its head. There are now two people with two sets of needs and opinions to be taken into account.
3.Honour each others'feelings and needs as valid.
If a person feels invalidated and disrespected they are not likely to be open to finding solutions with you.
So, listening and allowing your partner to express their feelings. Then repeat to them what you think you heard them say so that they know you have fully understood them. You do not have to agree with their feelings, just respect and validate them.
4.Spend time with your partner as this helps them feel important to you.
It is a recipe for marriage conflict if you get married and then spend your time constantly overworking, playing golf or going out with your girlfriends.
Your partner may feel neglected and abandoned and wonder why they married you in the first place. For a marriage to work you need to spend time and attention on it. It is no different to running a business or growing plants; they all require nurturing to blossom and grow.
5. Reassure your partner that you love them daily.
Some people get married and think that their partner knows that they love them so why should they have to say it. It shows your partner that you still care about them.
Working and providing the income may be a way to show your partner that you love them. Some people feel loved when others do things for them, some when they hear it, others when they are touched and yet others when they see it written. Your partner may need to hear it from you.
You both need to discuss what makes you feel loved so that you are aware of the differences and can nurture each other. Do not make assumptions but rather ask for information.
Marriage conflict does not have to turn into world war three. Armed with the above tips,you will be able to nurture a harmonious and loving partnership.
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