Effective Alternatives To Punishment And How To Be A Happier Parent

Effective parenting takes commitment. It takes looking at yourself and your reactions and the willingness to change them if necessary. Ask yourself what you are trying to accomplish with your parenting. A calm compliant child? No screaming and fighting among siblings? Do you find yourself constantly repeating yourself, giving in when something doesn't work right away? Well nagging, threatening and arguing with a child only puts that child in control. You must practice "firm passive insistence and non reaction.

You can prevent many struggles with your child by "child-proofing your life." That sounds a little drastic but it only means that you can take steps to prevent conflict and melt downs by thinking ahead. If you don't want your child to eat cookies before dinner, then do not make them available. If you don't want your child to get into your computer then don't make it accessible to them. Don't expect that a young child should have the will power to just learn to leave your things alone. They will learn eventually, but at a very young age, they just won't.

Kids react to the environment that you set up for them. If they spend hours zoning out while watching TV every day, they will react by enacting the behaviors they see and becoming more passive in life and less ambitious. If you're not truly present for your child by being distracted with computers, facebook, TV or the phone, then your child will react to that with whining, arguing, acting out in an effort to get your attention. It's you as the parent who sets up the environment, the child just reacts to it.

The very best way to avoid arguing with your child is to prevent the argument in the first place. How do you do this? Well as the parent you make it an unbending law that your child does the required activity, whether it's cleaning up after themselves, or contributing to the family chores by taking out the trash or setting the table. These family "laws" do not have to be enforced by punishment or upheld by rewards, just enforced because this is what needs to be done. So whatever excuse or argument your child comes up with you simply answer, "That's just what we do." By using the word "we" you are making your child feel connected to you and the family. You want your child to feel part of the whole because this encourages cooperation and a willingness to do something they don't necessarily want to do.

The way to enforce family rules is to not allow your child to do anything he or she wants to do until they have done the required task. If they just sit there and refuse to do anything, let them. If they throw a fit, ignore it. Don't punish them or threaten them. Ignore them, but do not allow them to move on to playing or doing something else until the required task is done. This may be very difficult the first couple of times if a child has been able to engage and manipulate you in the past. Withdraw from the fight and do not deviate from your goal. Passive insistence. By taking a firm stance your child will learn very quickly that arguing with you or defying you is useless and cooperating with you is the easiest way for them.

Remember to "child proof your life." Remove that crystal vase. Put away anything you don't want them touching or getting into. This will reduce the likelihood of you losing your cool ten fold. Your child will learn to respect you, your things and what you say. This is all worth the effort, and will teach your child self control and make you a much happier more effective parent.